Tuesday, August 28, 2007
2:03 AM
Everyday I'm reminding myself to breathe. At times, I think I've got the hang of it.. and I feel as if I'll make it. But then there are times where I'm gasping for air, and I feel like it's all too much. This is the definition of "overwhelming", and I really hope that this is for the best.
It's hard not knowing, and that's where I am. Part of me is on one side, and the other is stuck. I guess love isn't enough, but God.. I wanted it to be. I wanted to raise our daughter together, get married, give her a brother in the future.. all of that. We were going to live together, and life was going to be just as it should. Except now I guess that's not what was meant to be.
The greatest love that I have ever known is coming to an end. It's taking the life out of me, but I have to move on. I can't be selfish and I can't just give up. There's a little girl who needs me day in and day out.. and truth be told- I need her too. So much.
I just wish that when I looked into her eyes I didn't see you. It breaks my heart every time.. even though there's not much left.. it kills me.
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Saturday, August 25, 2007
1:23 PM
Nothing could have ever prepared me for this. Yes, there were warning signs. Probably over a dozen.. but I lost count. I just stopped caring. Never about you though, that was the problem, the person I stopped caring about was myself. I lost all self-worth, and the price that I had to pay for love was more than one ever should. All that has been taken from me at this point is more than can ever be measured. I honestly couldn't even tell you what's left.
I've held out for too long. For much longer than I ever should have. Today ends that, though. No more making excuses for you. No more lying to myself and denying the facts that have been made so obvious. So what if I'm in love with you? It's time for me to realize that's not enough. I can't keep this relationship going by myself, and I don't want to anymore. I deserved so much more, and you knew it all along. You were supposed to be the one, and damnit.. you could have been. But I cannot keep waiting around for a change that's never going to come.
As much as this hurts, I know someday I'll be okay again. Not right now.. not for awhile.. but someday. For all the pain I feel at this moment, I have to remind myself that it's either this or more of what you've been doing to me for the past year. And all of that combined feels just as horrible as having to walk away does. It really does. But enough is enough, and it's time I fight for myself again.
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Friday, August 24, 2007
2:28 AM
I think there will always be that
one person. Maybe they sat next to you in class, or maybe you lived with them for years. Maybe they played a huge role in your life.. Maybe they didn’t. You see, whatever they were in your life, they will always be the
one you go back to. The
one you think of. The
one you can’t seem to shake from your dreams at night. They lurk in the back of your mind, and slip into your thoughts uninvited. I believe that’s what sets them apart.. That’s what makes them the
one. Because no matter how much time goes by, you’ll never be able to forget.
I will never be able to forget you.
You were the one for me.
But it wasn't mutual, and the charade is over.
Fun while it lasted? Sure.
If you’re into the "getting-your-heart-thrown-into-a-blender" kindof thing.
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